When I was a kid, I was never allowed to have Novocain. Not for anything. I just went to the dentist. All my cavities were filled with no anesthetic of any kind. I had two teeth pulled without anesthetic.
The experience was enough to make me create even more alters in order to cope with the pain. Just the sound of the drill on low speed is still enough to send us all scurrying and scrambling inside, trying to find someplace safe.
We moved to another location when I was sixteen and I went to a new dentist with a hurting tooth. He got out a syringe with a needle. I asked him what it was for, and he explained that it was to numb my mouth so he could work on me without pain. I told him I wasn't allowed to have Novocain.
He was aghast. Appalled. He called my mother immediately and let her have it (in a professional way). And from then on, I never had to have a cavity filled without anesthetic.
But boy, did I catch it when I got home! "How could you possibly tell Dr P. that I wouldn't let you have Novocain?" my mother said, anger in her voice.
"I never was allowed to have it before!" I said. "I've never had Novocain!"
But it was my fault. I made her look bad in front of the dentist. She went back to him and told him I had the facts wrong, and of course I could have Novocain!
Looking back, I wonder how my mother could have let me go through all that pain for all those years. And how could my former dentist have gone along with her demands? I asked her once, "Mom, why wasn't I allowed to have Novocain?" She denied that it was true. She insisted that she never said I couldn't have it.
Today I have a very kind dentist. He knows that I have an abuse history and works gently and carefully with me when I need dental work. He is the polar opposite of the dentist I grew up with. And I am grateful for his kindness.
It is still an ordeal to have dental work done. I can feel myself switching, switching, just trying to look normal. One time I had a terrible flashback in his office and had to have him stop. I told him why. He stayed calm and let me compose myself before continuing... when I said it was okay to continue.
Thanks Mom. That's just one more way you didn't protect me.
Poetry Book
6 years ago
3 comments:
What a horrible ordeal. My dentist knows about my history and takes it easy and asked me what triggers me. Well, the noise, having someone in my mouth, having someone above me and water in my face...lots of PRN's and when it was really bad my husband came with me. Thank God for understanding dentists. I want to have surgery done on your first dentist without any anesthesia...what the **** and I don't usually cuss, but this situation called for it.
Oh don't you hate it when our mothers would have more concern for how we made them look, than for our comfort?
That's absolutely horrible that you had to have teeth pulled with nothing to numb the pain! It's bad enough going to the dentist even when it's done right.
I wonder who was in cahots with who on this one. There's a reason for this, it just doesn't make sense otherwise. It would be interestisng to know what it's all about.
My guess is your mother and mine would have gotten along famously.
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