I have come to the sad and somewhat bitter conclusion that no matter how credible s/he is, a multiple's credibility will always be less than that of most non-multiples. Case in point: DH and I go to marriage counseling. We have an excellent counselor who has helped us stay married through the worst of times. She also happens to be my therapist, and has proven herself to be extraordinarily objective, much to DH's relief. He sees the progress we've made and is very happy with our choice of who we see.
One day we had an argument about something. No duh. It happens. And DH was relating it to T. When he was done, I stated that what he'd said wasn't accurate, that instead of saything that I'd said this. That wasn't the way he remembered it. We had to deal with the whole crappy, "Well, maybe it was someone else inside who was talking to me then".
Nope. I was there. I remembered the conversation. It was I who'd been talking with him. And I knew I was right.
But you know what? Since I'm multiple, there's always that question. Always the doubt. And although our counseling session ended with us resolving the issue, I was left with this:
That if there were a courtroom, and a multiple and a non-multiple were witnesses to the crime, the multiple's account would be less credible, even if s/he was right!
It's not fair. And when stuff like this happens I always end up feeling less-than. The very nature of being multiple means that because I switch and am not co-conscious all the time means that many times people have a question as to the accuracy of my memories.
I usually end up in a sad place because of this. I do a lot of writing about it. It is a huge deal to me.
My T understands. She gets it. She is tender when I rant and rave about how unfair it is. And she agrees that it's not fair.
Evil people did evil things to me. And because of that I sometimes feel like a second-class citizen. Even though I have the papers to prove I'm a first-class one.
Poetry Book
6 years ago
5 comments:
I can completely relate. H will ask me "who am I talking to?" and when I say "your wife" he'll reply "which one?" Grrr. And yes, if we have a conversation it's very likely he will bring up me not remembering accurately because perhaps it was someone else.
we get this so much if we say no it wasnt like that he would say oh someone else must have done it then. Kind of dismissing the us as people and focussing on what he could get away with.
Our ex used to use our multiplicity for all kinds of nasty ways he could get away with making himself out ot be the protector whilst others looked on saying oh poor guy having to live with that.
well we certainly understand how you feel, we too experienced it first hand. We even had a therapistwho used our multiplicity against us in his arguments and for way too long we fell for his manipulation. We finally got away from him but you are right, it is not fair!
peace and blessings
keepers
Thanks. It's really good to get the affirmation from you all. My DH doesn't do it a lot, but sometimes he'll do it in counseling. It's like penalized for being who I am.
Unfortunately, it's a kind of no-win situation, because sometimes he's right. Sometimes it really IS someone else.
Oh I hate when someone questions my memory because of my DID! I am co-conscious and so I pretty much am aware of all that goes on in my life. I have all these parts who are paying attention to every little detail because they're on hyper-alert. So to assume my memory is wrong because I'm a multiple doesn't set well with me.
It's patronizing, I believe, for someone to ask things like, "Who said that?"
I had a friend once (she ended our friendship) who wanted us to get counseling together so she could better understand my DID. The implication was that my being a multiple was the cause of all our problems. The reality was that she was a dominating, stubborn person who could be cruel at times. One needn't have DID to be wounded by cruel behavior!
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