Bad Day at Black Rock

What a hard day. Lots of anxiety, depression, and who knows what else. I don't feel very close to hubby, don't wanna be touched; am in a kind of "just leave me alone" place. I'm dealing with some really difficult stuff and find myself withdrawing. It doesn't help that he's been very focused on his own important stuff and doesn't do well at doing two things at once.

We just finished watching a movie (based on fact) about abuse by Catholic priests. The acting was fantastic. Christopher Plummer played Cardinal Law; Brian Dennehy an outspoken priest, Ellen Burstyn a mom whose seven sons were all abused by the same priest.

The men who played the victims as adults were amazing in their portrayal of the men trying to cope with their lives. The emotional scenes cut me to the quick.

I'm not Catholic, never have been. I find myself getting angry once again at the shameful behavior not only of the priests involved but also because of the way the church did nothing about it, then tried to weasel their way out of compensating the victims.

I wish the people who hurt me could be held responsible in the same way the church was. It's hard for me to know that they will never be brought to trial, never held accountable.

I wonder if I would be able to be as brave as all the victims in the movie if somehow my abusers were caught (if they're not already dead). Would I be able to go public and let my history be known? I don't know.

It really doesn't matter because it ain't gonna happen. It's too late. And there's only me, their accuser.

No wonder I've had a bad day; this movie really stirred up some powerful feelings for me.

But I'm still glad I watched it.