Everyday. Anger. I go to therapy mad. I come home maybe not so mad. I get mad at the stupidest things like dropping something on the floor. Or a crow cawing at six a.m. outside my window. Or a printer that won't work right.
At therapy the other day I told my therapist that I don't like this feeling. And I know there's another reason for all the mad.
And of course she asked what I was really mad about. I knew she would. And without thinking I cried, "I'm mad at my mother and I'm mad at my father!"
It was a long time coming, she said. And I cried. I knew it was. And now it all feels very out of control. She said it might not be easy to compartmentalize it (like not let it spill over to mad at hubby) and that I can explain to him what's going on. (I did later.)
Justifiable anger, she said. And that it might last for a long time since it's been hovering below the surface for so long.
I've never even said those words before. I almost feel like I've broken a commandment or something. I don't like the way it feels.
I think I have more hard work ahead of me. What's new.
Poetry Book
6 years ago
2 comments:
Oh, gosh! I have found myself doing that. Something comes flying out of my mouth that I "know" must be true...but I have worked SO hard to NOT think like that...or believe that. I get torn back and forth between accepting it...or not.
Way to go, Labyrinth!
I would say that you are correct about there being more hard work ahead. You have done so much already...and gotten through it. You will get through this, too!
How are you doing, Labyrinth?
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