I think the most discouraging thing about being multiple (aside from being multiple in the first place and the causes for it) is the fact that if push comes to shove, someone else's word is always, always, more believable than mine. Even if I'm right. I've probably yammered on about this before, but I'm writing about it again because it happened yet again yesterday.
Husband told me I'd told him something. I said I never said that. He insisted I did, but I knew that I hadn't. I searched inside. Nope. No one said that. And I told him so. But still I got that "Oh, you just don't remember it /oh, you poor thing, you're multiple / somebody else inside said it" look. Patronizing.
I was also told by a friend that I'd done something I don't remember doing. It seemed so unlike me that I questioned her rather defensively. She wouldn't lie to me. I know she wouldn't. But I'm left with wondering who the hell I am.
On Friday, June 6, 2008, I wrote a post about this same thing. And here it is, rearing its ugly head again.
I'm feeling so discouraged about the whole thing. I get so tired of "the look". I just want to cry. I feel so "less than" today. I think I'll head over to polyvore and create something.
Poetry Book
6 years ago
6 comments:
This is so powerful. Wow!
Oops...somehow I thought the picture was its own post. Am I together today or what? *sigh*
Although I do not have the attitude shown to me or get the look, I do struggle with the disagreements that come from remembering things differently. He can be quite adamant...and then I find myself wondering if I might be losing a snippet of time here or there. He assumes that it is me...but I really don't know that he thinks in terms of my being multiple. In fact, I don't think he even thinks of me being multiple at all most of the time...which results in another set of problems.
It feels really good when I can find some evidence that I was correct...like I actually did today. Not that he is ornery or anything like that...he is not. It is just that I end up wondering if I am losing time...or...if he is OK. It is difficult for me to accept that it is "normal" for people to remember things differently.
I am saddened that you are treated the way you are. I can see how difficult...how hurtful that is. And yes...it would make me want to cry, too.
Sending hugs if you want them.
My husband really is a good man in many areas. He is not an abusive man at all. We've been married a long time and our marriage is fairly good; it's just that at times like this I get really discouraged. Thanks for your very thoughtful reply.
I hear you.
its amazing how someone elses perception can show up their own manipulation
I read this just now and wanted to comment on your post.
I know this feeling all too well. With my family (and not all of them know of my DID), I get lots of laughs. Not unkind laughter, more like affectionate chuckles and ribbings. Why? Because I do and say so many off the wall things that (I have to admit) are so absurd they're funny.
So I know just what you mean. And you can't really defend yourself from the accusations of "you said this" or "you did that" because with sinking heart you know that you have no credibility among singletons.
Sigh.
(Beautifuldreamer)
Post a Comment